Roy and Hazel

Oh well. The final of the UK Biggest Loser has come and gone. I was absolutely blown away by the transformation of 3 of the finalists, not least the winner Kevin. I almost spat out the crisps I was eating in shock. He looks 20 years younger. Literally half the man. He says if he can do it, anyone can. And of course he's right.

I think the challenge is getting started. Changing old habits for new ones. This is why they keep the weight loss candidates together in a big house for 8 weeks before letting them loose on their own for 9 weeks.

I need a change. That's for sure. I have been disciplined as far as my food intake has been. I have taken vitamins. I have changed from caffeine laden coffee to caffeine free organic tea. I have read self motivation books. But I'm still not where I need to be. To be happy. I am not making enough progress. I want Kevin's result. I've asked Mr Belly to leave but he's staying put, saying he's got tenant's rights as he's been living with me so long.

Am I going to achieve what I want without more effort? Of course not. Damn! Its not going to happen is it? Not without me taking some more positive steps. And a great deal more determination.

The two areas I have to focus on: firstly, my alcohol intake and secondly, exercise.

Just a minute. I just need to take a sip of my Shiraz before I continue. Mmm. That's better. Where was I?

Oh, yes. Alcohol and exercise.

I could happily take in more alcohol and reduce my exercise. (Picture a red bloated sloth and you have it).


But the other way round?

Well. All I can do, is give it a try. I hereby commit to cutting down on drink and taking more exercise daily.
Resolution no. 1: No alcohol, except on Saturdays.
Resolution no. 2: Do 30 minutes exercise every day. Doesn't matter what is is. Just do something to get my heart racing.

As it is Father's Day today. I will start on these tomorrow. I shall make the most of the sloth time I have left. I will lie stretched out on the couch tonight with a glass of Shiraz in one hand and a TV remote control in the other. I might just get off the couch when its supper time.

Tomorrow, I have the day off work. I will find the time to buy some kettle bells and a kettle bell DVD. These kettle bells did wonders for the Biggest Losers. And I'll make a start in the privacy of my own home.

I'll report on my progress next week. Hope you have a great week too!

Oh dear.

My 1 day carb fest has turned into 4 days.

I have not binged or stuffed myself with 'forbidden' foods but I have eaten the same meals as Hazel.

I had to stifle a laugh a few days ago when J was forced to eat tuna and pasta, one of his most hated meals because Hazel "thought that you would like it." Tonight I'm laughing on the other side of my face as Hazel is cooking shepherds pie, which I really don't want as I have totally gone off the idea of eating a mound of mash potatoes.

I had a great day today though. I took the day off work so I could call out Dyno-rod. They came and cleared the block drains. What a relief. After they had gone, I was left with a free day and I kept myself busy doing all the things that I should have done at the weekend.

The weekend was fab. Great weather. And a great excuse for another BBQ. We invited Hazel's mum over for the afternoon on Sunday.

As Hazel swelters in the hot midday sun, she turns to me and says: "Oh my. I'm sweating like a pig!" I retort: "Well that's not surprising. You look like a pig!" Hazel half closes her eyes and glowers at me. "I'm eating lots of apples at the moment" she protests. "You're eating lots of everything at the moment" I reply.

I then back off three paces and return to attend the chicken which is cooking nicely. I keep a tight hold on the BBQ tongs in case Hazel gets her hands on them and sticks them into the back of my head.

I'm glad Hazel's mum is here. I've got a witness.

I think I smell of pee.

I'm sitting here and sniffing the air. Having got home from work, I have stripped down to my boxers and am ready for an evening of TV. That's what Friday evenings are all about.

That said, it could be the drains. For the last week Hazel and I have ignored the fact that the drain hole in the back garden is full of stagnant water and at the front of the house, you get a waft of a disgusting sewerage smell when leaving or entering. Has this triggered either of us to call the drain unblockers? No. We're waiting on each other to make the call.

Tonight Hazel is cooking chili with rice.

For the past 2 weeks I have been on a very low carb diet, with almost no salad or vegetables. I have eaten eggs, mayonnaise, nuts, cheese, and meats in small portions - watching my calorie intake. I have seen me lose 3 pounds - only to gain 3 pounds the day after. Up and down. Up and down. I just can't seem to lose any material weight. It is SO frustrating. I have absolutely no hunger or indeed desire to eat. I admit to missing out some meals as I did not feel like eating. I am trying hard with my water intake. I have a large bottle at work which I fill with chilled water at the start of the day, and I slowly work through it. I get lots of comments: "Ooh. You're really good!" when people see me at the water fountain. But it makes sod all difference.

Today, I go to the staff restaurant and see cod and chips for lunch. I cannot help myself. I studiously walk past the salad bar and order the fish. I sit all by myself in a corner of the restaurant and guiltily wolf it down. I then return to my desk. By 3 pm, I'm exhausted. So tired. I can hardly lift my head and type. It dawns on me that I'm suffering from taking in the carbs at lunch. I decide that the answer is to clear out my filing cabinets and cupboards. I need to do something physical to keep awake.

When I arrive home I decide that I'll join Hazel in a meal involving rice. This means that I will have had one day off from low carb. Will it make a difference? Will it re-start my metabolism when I return to low carb tomorrow? I don't know?

What I do know is that I might need to get a mask to put over my nose and mouth. Or call out the plumber.

I hate going to the gym but it doesn't really matter as Hazel is always asking me to do stuff.

"Did you say 'YES'?" she asks for the third time, after asking if I'll take the garden rubbish to the dump on Wednesday, when I'm supposed to be working from home.

"YESSS! Now leave me ALONE!" I shout back.

Having been married almost 20 years, I'm used to Hazel badgering me. I do get annoyed, particularly if she pounces within minutes of me arriving home from work. I need a good 30 minutes of 'downtime' before I feel equipped to deal with the stresses of Hazel's day.

Having a full time job and a commute that you could earn a medal for, the last thing I feel the need for when getting home is to do chores. But never mind that - Hazel has her list ready. Sometimes its written down. Sometimes its simmering in her brain, like a time bomb: "WHY DO YOU NEVER EMPTY THE DISHWASHER? DO YOU THINK IT EMPTIES ITSELF!"

Over time, I have come to accept the way it is. I put on a smile and think of the calories I am burning.

1. Gardening
Pulling weeds, digging holes, spreading mulch or watering plants burn a significant number of calories. In just 15 minutes, you could burn as many as 75 to 100 calories while enjoying the fresh air.

2. Housework
Vacuuming burns plenty of calories, but add in mopping the floors, dusting, and changing the sheets, and you can burn up to 50 calories in just 15 minutes! Even if you're muttering under your breath: "What the hell is she doing while I'm doing this!"

3. Climbing stairs
Hazel tends to do a load of laundry, and leave it for me to take upstairs. She'll often shout at me to bring something upstairs when she can't be bothered to come downstairs for it. And I find I'm up and down the stairs like a yo-yo! A great way to lose weight - the more weight you carry, the more calories you burn —as many as 100 calories in 15 minutes.

4. Shopping
I do this every Saturday and often pop to the shops after work too. The key is not to park too close to the store to add steps to your tally. Loading the shopping trolley with heavy boxes of wine helps to provide resistance training. 95 calories in 15 minutes.

5. Taking out the rubbish and filling the recycling boxes
Why Hazel believes this is my job is beyond me. Men were meant to bring back back the food, not take it out. Leaving the empty bottles, newspapers, cardboard, and drink cans to spill over in the kitchen so you can't reach the fridge gives you an even greater workout when you finally decide you have to take them outside. 60 calories for 15 minutes.

6.Cleaning the car.
Hazel recently paid to have her car cleaned. I was shocked that they actually agreed to do it - considering the dog hairs. But more shocked that 3 days later the car was in as bad a state as before she had it cleaned! Yesterday I tried to rectify matters by cleaning her car as a surprise. But one hour later I was still defeated. Still, 60 calories per 15 minutes. I got one compliment from a neighbour: "I wish my husband would clean MY car!" and one from Hazel: "OMG. FANTASTIC. By the way, did you clean the dashboard properly?"

Hazel - bring it on!

I can't believe Britain's Got Talent is over. What am I going to do in the evenings! Still, it looks like the next series of Big Brother is starting - so that might keep me occupied. Poor Susan is apparently suffering from "exhaustion" and is in a private clinic to recover. I think she'll be successful but she'll need a lot of care and attention. Never mind the worldwide exposure, its plain to see from her behaviour, which is bizarre at times, that she's not a straightforward person. That said, I don't like reading that she has apparent "learning difficulties" and the press calling her the "hairy angel". Imagine how you would feel to see that kind of commentary about you splashed on the front covers of your daily paper.

Another series I am following is the UK's The Biggest Loser programme. I don't know if this is the first series or not but I'm really into it and rooting for the contestants. It keeps me really motivated too. Some of the winners of the US and Australian programmes have also been in the weekend newspapers and I have been absolutely blown away at the before and after pictures. It shows that if you commit, you CAN do it.

How am I doing? I have been weighing myself daily and my weight has been fluctuating daily up and down 1 or 2 pounds. At my Monday morning weigh-in, it looks like I am 1 pound lighter than the week before. I am a little disappointed that its not more as I am following a very low carb approach and watching my calories. I just might go on a "90% Fat Fast" to see if it kick starts my weight loss but I'll make a decision later on. At the moment, as I am very slowly losing, I'll stick to what I am doing. I think the area that I'm still not doing well enough, is taking enough water in during the day at work.

Will try harder.

I just love this time of year! I'd rather eat the cheese than catch it though! The best part for me is hearing someone in the crowd excitedly shout: "GET THE CHEESE!" whilst the chasers are turning cartwheels.

As the sun is shining, its barbecue time in the garden. You can't beat the smoky billowing clouds ruining the neighbour's washing or the burnt charcoal flavoured sausages or the raw red blood leaking out from under the blackened skin of the chicken drumsticks or the toddler running hell for leather directly towards the hot coals whilst the assembled adults scream: "Noooooo!!!!"

Salad and barbecued meat is perfect for low carbing. In fact, I love barbecues so much that I'll even light one just for myself. Anyone care to join me?

Its Monday morning and my weekly weigh-in. I'm delighted to see that I have lost 2 pounds. Doesn't sound a lot, especially considering the effort I put in, but at least its progress.

Hazel on the other hand is in a foul mood. I ask her if she has put on weight. She shouts back at me, telling me to shut up. (Looks like she did!)

I have taken the day off work as J starts the first of a series of exams and I need to take him to school, otherwise he might never go. Hazel decides that as I'm off work, I may as well be useful. She leaves me a list of 16 jobs to do. This is not my idea of a "day off".

Oh well. Better get on with it. Should I start with cleaning the microwave or weeding the front garden?